I’ve lost count of how many articles I’ve scanned, blogs posts I’ve read, & conversations I’ve had centered on the topic of prolonged adolescence. 20 & 30 somethings don’t often get a good rap. Society thinks they’re stuck in college or even high school. Refusing to grow up. Wandering without direction. Relying on their parents for far too long. The list goes on. And we seem to be the hardest on men.

I’m not denying that there’s some truth in that. But I don’t think it’s limited to men or 20 & 30 somethings. And I think at some point we all have to take a bit of the responsibility for the problem.

I look at men & yes, I see a generation…multiple generations…that are falling short as leaders. Men who seem to have momentarily misplaced their true identities. 30 somethings without careers. Families falling apart, sacrificed on the altar of ministry. Responsibility put on hold to chase seemingly crazy & selfish dreams.

I get all of that. And I’m not trying to say that it’s okay.

But there is another part of me that is full of nothing but compassion for my brothers. A part of me that looks & says at a certain point I can’t blame the 20 & 30 somethings entirely because it’s a generational issue. As a result they often lack mentors to help guide them. They don’t have people who can say “I’ve been there. I get the struggle. And I’ll love you in the struggle but care too much to let you stay there.”

I think buried underneath it all is oftentimes an identity issue. It’s something that we all struggle with at the core of our human nature. A battle that seems to only be made tougher by the pressures of our society and the pervading notion that what you do, not who you are, gives you worth.

I see multiple generations of men who are struggling to discover & live their true identities. And honestly it makes me sad. My heart breaks for them because as their sister I want them to experience the joy in living in the freedom of Christ as the person He has designed them to be.

So to my brothers, as your sister in Christ I care about you. About your faith. About your dreams. About your (future) wives & families. My prayer for you is a community that offers a little more tough love & a little less judgement & criticism.

And as I said, ladies, I don’t think it’s limited to men.

What do you think? Am I letting men off the hook to easily?