Archive | Relationships RSS feed for this section

They Chose to Rewrite the Ending

March 14, 2012 in Creativity, Relationships


“I’ll sing the song if you can play it on the guitar,” he said.

A google search later on a nearby iPhone & chords were in the guitar player’s hand.

“Let’s do it,” she said.

He stumbled through the first few notes…off-key & out of rhythm. Forgetting the words as he went. It was an embarrassing train-wreck in the making. A potential ego boost for the rest of the room.

But they chose to rewrite the ending of this story.

First the guitarist joined in, then the redhead on the couch, another “I love to sing but I’m not a singer” guy, next the long-haired blonde with an accent…soon the entire group was singing. A classic that had high school flashbacks playing in all of our minds.

Instead of embarrassment the ending was one of community. When he began to stumble…to lose the melody…the group quickly stepped in to carry him along for a bit. It may sound silly, but I see Jesus in these moments clear as day. His love & his life feel tangible for just a moment. 

I can’t guarantee you that all of those people in the room knew who Love is, but they certainly seemed to know what it means to live love. And I have a group of strangers to thank for helping me see Love just a bit more clearly…if even only for a moment.

Read full story · Comments { 0 }

Learning to Tango

October 25, 2011 in Deep Thinking, Just Life, Relationships

Oftentimes life is more of a tango than a tightrope act. It’s more about learning to dance in an ever evolving rhythm than mastering the art of balance. I’ve been learning to dance the tango between strength & courage lately. It’s not always a pretty sight…I may trip over my own two feet quite often. But still, I’m learning.

Strength isn’t something I’ve often felt in need of. Growing up in a family that was keen on strength rather than expressing emotion, as well as my life journey helped me learn to be strong to survive…or at least that’s what I’ve always thought I needed to be. We also live in a world that says strong is better…strong as in always smiling, not admitting weakness…surely not admitting brokenness…and protecting yourself rather than being vulnerable.

But here’s the thing…strength is of the mind, while courage is of the heart. And sometimes I need my heart to temper my mind…to keep me soft…help me be compassionate…allow me to love others.

I’m beginning to believe that there is such as thing as too strong. And courage bridles strength.

When I’m too strong I become cold. I like to put up walls…tall, thick, castle-worthy walls. I used to think that by doing so I was keeping other people out, but I’ve realized I’m really only keeping myself in.

When I’m too strong, I’m not fully living. But courage…courage gives me life. 

It allows me to feel. Yes, to feel the pain along with the joy. But I’d rather feel both than neither. Courage gives me the ability to offer grace. To be compassionate. And to risk loving others deeply even if it may mean hurt & disappointment.

With courage I am alive to life. I see beauty all around me in every moment of every day. With courage I am able to say, “God is good…all.the.time.” Yes, life may hurt & I may be broken, but He is still good.

Courage is strength that is able to admit weakness…that can embrace brokenness because it knows that weakness is not the same as defeat. It knows that there is uncanny beauty in surrender. That though it may never make sense to our human minds, even surrender takes strength.

These days, I am learning to love…to let my heart love as Christ loves. To truly love others no matter they may or may not give back. To love in spite of the risk of hurt…of disappointment. And through doing so, I’m learning courage. Because the act of loving softens our hearts and teaches us courage, but the act of loving also requires courage…requires our hearts.

It’s an intense tango between strength & courage. But it’s a dance worth learning, because together they make a fiercely beautiful pair. 

Read full story · Comments { 0 }

The Essence of Mentoring

August 10, 2011 in Just Life, Leadership, Relationships

 

“Have you ever really had a teacher? One who saw you as a raw but precious thing, a jewel that, with wisdom, could be polished to a proud shine? If you are lucky enough to find your way to such teachers, you will always find your way back. Sometimes it is only in your head.”
- Mitch Albiom “Tuesdays with Morrie”

I think that is the essence of mentoring. Believing in someone as they learn to believe in themselves. Drenching them in Christian love even though they are rough around the edges, sometimes as destructive as a bull in a China shop. And through it all leaving an impact that, as cheesy as it may sound, truly does last a lifetime.

I’ve been blessed to have a few such teachers…or mentors…in my life. The kind I find my way back to in my head…and sometimes on a phone call. And every time I do I’m reminded that with the gift of being mentored…being taught, comes the responsibility to mentor…to teach.

Who are you teaching today?


 

Read full story · Comments { 0 }

Honesty

May 19, 2011 in Deep Thinking, Just Life, Relationships

Honesty. It seems the older I get the more I learn the value of that word. And I’m not talking honesty simply in the sense of not telling a lie but honesty to the point of being vulnerable. It’s one thing to not tell a lie, it’s another to tell the truth…the whole truth…more than just a few kernels of truth…even when we don’t have to. And telling the whole truth oftentimes makes us vulnerable and is usually risky. It’s risky to put yourself out there and speak openly & truthfully about life, about experiences, about lessons learned along the way.

But it’s a risk that I’m finding is worth it. Because the beauty, healing, & friendship that comes from it far outweighs the hurt that may sometimes come. I think we must be broken individually, but most often we are healed in community. Think about it, you can injure yourself, but more often than not you can’t heal yourself. You need a doctor or team of doctors to help you do that. Just the same, when we’re broken we need friends to help us pick up the pieces. Or more accurately God blesses us by using friends to work His healing in our lives…His putting us back together.

I still find myself fighting honesty. Often. And honesty doesn’t always win the fight. But when it does I’m always grateful for the beauty of deepened relationships that comes from it. I’ve had several conversations in the last month where I spoke honestly from my heart & I haven’t regretted it. In fact, quite the opposite.

Do you find it hard to be truly honest?

 

Read full story · Comments { 2 }

To My Brothers

May 10, 2011 in Deep Thinking, Just Life, Relationships

I’ve lost count of how many articles I’ve scanned, blogs posts I’ve read, & conversations I’ve had centered on the topic of prolonged adolescence. 20 & 30 somethings don’t often get a good rap. Society thinks they’re stuck in college or even high school. Refusing to grow up. Wandering without direction. Relying on their parents for far too long. The list goes on. And we seem to be the hardest on men.

I’m not denying that there’s some truth in that. But I don’t think it’s limited to men or 20 & 30 somethings. And I think at some point we all have to take a bit of the responsibility for the problem.

I look at men & yes, I see a generation…multiple generations…that are falling short as leaders. Men who seem to have momentarily misplaced their true identities. 30 somethings without careers. Families falling apart, sacrificed on the altar of ministry. Responsibility put on hold to chase seemingly crazy & selfish dreams.

I get all of that. And I’m not trying to say that it’s okay.

But there is another part of me that is full of nothing but compassion for my brothers. A part of me that looks & says at a certain point I can’t blame the 20 & 30 somethings entirely because it’s a generational issue. As a result they often lack mentors to help guide them. They don’t have people who can say “I’ve been there. I get the struggle. And I’ll love you in the struggle but care too much to let you stay there.”

I think buried underneath it all is oftentimes an identity issue. It’s something that we all struggle with at the core of our human nature. A battle that seems to only be made tougher by the pressures of our society and the pervading notion that what you do, not who you are, gives you worth.

I see multiple generations of men who are struggling to discover & live their true identities. And honestly it makes me sad. My heart breaks for them because as their sister I want them to experience the joy in living in the freedom of Christ as the person He has designed them to be.

So to my brothers, as your sister in Christ I care about you. About your faith. About your dreams. About your (future) wives & families. My prayer for you is a community that offers a little more tough love & a little less judgement & criticism.

And as I said, ladies, I don’t think it’s limited to men.

What do you think? Am I letting men off the hook to easily?

 

Read full story · Comments { 6 }