Tag Archives: suffering

Seeing God in Healing

Three years ago I literally spent the entire month of March in bed…minus three trips to the ER to get fluids because I was so dehydrated. What started out as the stomach flu turned into severe dehydration, pneumonia, a sinus infection, and more. I was physically wrecked. I finally crawled out of bed on Good Friday and managed to make it to church that night and Easter Sunday. But I was in bad shape.

It’s amazing how deeply physical pain can affect us. For me, the pain and suffering of a physical disease messed with me emotionally and mentally in ways I’m still not sure I fully understand. And I’m realizing that that may be one of the mysteries of God I don’t get to understand in this lifetime…and I’m okay with that.

But, I firmly believe I needed it. I needed to be broken. I needed that perspective anchor in my life. I need to be put through the fire to be refined. Spun on the potter’s wheel and shaped and molded so I could serve His purpose for my life instead of mine.

God used that pain and suffering to change the direction of my life. I firmly believe that. It’s not that He wanted me to suffer but He allowed it to happen. And if for no other reason than to display His glory.

Three years later and my disease is for all intents and purposes inactive. The pain I do have is minimal compared to that which I lived with 2, 3, 4, 5 years ago. I can walk up multiple flights of stairs. I can walk up hills. I can walk more than half a block. I can get up off the floor. I can even run.

Just tonight I walked up large hills…multiple times. I walked around downtown Nashville for a good two hours. I climbed multiple flights of stairs. I sat on the ground and was able to get up again.

Three years ago I worried about going to the grocery store because many days that simple mundane task was a challenge. Today I’m counting down to a trip to China in May. In all of that God is glorified. Only by His strength, His healing, His faithfulness, did I make it through. In my weakness He is strong.

Gary Molander presented a challenge in a recent blog post. His challenge: to write a blog post that finishes the phrase “When I look back at today, I saw God when __________.”

Well, when I look back at today, I saw God…I see God…when I can physically do things that three years ago…even 2 years ago…some even a year ago….I couldn’t do. When I can walk around a city with friends I see His healing, His provision, and His love. And that physical healing has done a number on the healing of my heart too. Seriously, His goodness leaves me speechless.

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Throwing in the Towel

Do you ever just get tired of it? Do you feel time to time like throwing in the towel, finding a safe hiding place, and sleeping your life away? Or at least hiding out for a couple of days? Can I be honest with you and admit that I do? From time to time I do get tired of it all. I get tired of the critics, of the long-hours, of the “job is my life” lifestyle. Sometimes I don’t want to be nice, I don’t want to be helpful. I want to think about me and only me, I want more “me time.”

I inevitably ask myself, “Why am I feeling this way?” The simple answer: Satan is at work. He wants all of us to have those thoughts. He wants us to give up because God is using us to do great things for his Kingdom. I think it is easy to forget that at the end of the day, while we all have bosses and earthly authorities we must answer to, our ultimate authority, the only one who truly matters, is God. Galatians 1:10 says, “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not a servant of Christ.” Wow! That last part is like a punch in the face. Trying to please people, working only for people means we are not servants of Christ. You see it’s easy to get discouraged and want to give up the fight if we are focused on winning the approval of people.

Although it is easy to forget, I think when we want to surrender we have to remember our Savior and everything he endured. Hebrews 12:3 reminds us, “Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” Christ knows what criticism feels like. His job was his life. He worked long hours. He knows and in fact promises that following and serving him isn’t going to be easy. It’s going to be difficult. It’s going to be exhausting. There may be times when we want to give up. But it’s at those times we have to remember who we are working for, who we are serving, and who promises to be there as a refuge and support when we are weary. And that person every time is our Friend and Savior Jesus.

So if you ever feel like throwing in the towel, know that you’re not alone. But also check yourself. Ask yourself why you are feeling that way. And remember all your Savior endured for you. Remember that he feels your pain and he promises to be there, to get you through if you will lean on him.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”
– Galatians 6:9

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