Tag Archives: redemption

Seeing God in Healing

Three years ago I literally spent the entire month of March in bed…minus three trips to the ER to get fluids because I was so dehydrated. What started out as the stomach flu turned into severe dehydration, pneumonia, a sinus infection, and more. I was physically wrecked. I finally crawled out of bed on Good Friday and managed to make it to church that night and Easter Sunday. But I was in bad shape.

It’s amazing how deeply physical pain can affect us. For me, the pain and suffering of a physical disease messed with me emotionally and mentally in ways I’m still not sure I fully understand. And I’m realizing that that may be one of the mysteries of God I don’t get to understand in this lifetime…and I’m okay with that.

But, I firmly believe I needed it. I needed to be broken. I needed that perspective anchor in my life. I need to be put through the fire to be refined. Spun on the potter’s wheel and shaped and molded so I could serve His purpose for my life instead of mine.

God used that pain and suffering to change the direction of my life. I firmly believe that. It’s not that He wanted me to suffer but He allowed it to happen. And if for no other reason than to display His glory.

Three years later and my disease is for all intents and purposes inactive. The pain I do have is minimal compared to that which I lived with 2, 3, 4, 5 years ago. I can walk up multiple flights of stairs. I can walk up hills. I can walk more than half a block. I can get up off the floor. I can even run.

Just tonight I walked up large hills…multiple times. I walked around downtown Nashville for a good two hours. I climbed multiple flights of stairs. I sat on the ground and was able to get up again.

Three years ago I worried about going to the grocery store because many days that simple mundane task was a challenge. Today I’m counting down to a trip to China in May. In all of that God is glorified. Only by His strength, His healing, His faithfulness, did I make it through. In my weakness He is strong.

Gary Molander presented a challenge in a recent blog post. His challenge: to write a blog post that finishes the phrase “When I look back at today, I saw God when __________.”

Well, when I look back at today, I saw God…I see God…when I can physically do things that three years ago…even 2 years ago…some even a year ago….I couldn’t do. When I can walk around a city with friends I see His healing, His provision, and His love. And that physical healing has done a number on the healing of my heart too. Seriously, His goodness leaves me speechless.

When God Brings it Full Circle

When I quit my job at my church in June I left a pastor and his family who I had been doing life with and ministry alongside for 7 years. They were the closest thing to what felt like family I had ever had. About a year a half ago, though, things got messy. Not messy in any scandalous sort of way just messy in the sense that feelings were hurt and relationships honestly looked liked they would end, unable to be repaired. It happens, even in the church, because we’re people and we’re sinful.

But, we pushed on. Ministry continued but relationships were drastically different. It was a lot of work and not a lot of personal. Eventually that got to me because it led to me forgetting that I was working with people and also to not feeling treated like a person. I did a pretty good job, though, of suppressing all of that “for the good of the ministry.” Not  until after I left my job at the church did I realize just how much hurt and honestly bitterness I had built up.

I am glad I didn’t realize it until after I left, though, because it allowed me to leave well. I didn’t leave because of the negative things that had happened, I left because God said it was time to go. Since then, God has healed my heart and helped me to truly forgive.

It’s really cool to look back now and see God’s hand in all of it. Had those relationships not changed, I’m not sure I would have been willing to let them go and leave when God said it was time. He detached me and uninvested me because He knew I’d need that in order to follow His calling me away.

It’s also amazing to see how He has brought it full circle and redeemed and restored friendships. It took time…a lot of time and I’ve just been processing it all recently, but God has proven Himself faithful…as always. I am incredibly blessed to still have a friendship with people who have seen me at my best but more importantly at my worst.

My encouragement to you? Fight for the relationships, despite how awkward or uncomfortable or hard it may be, because they are worth it. But also be encouraged when things don’t go well, feelings are hurt, you feel “wronged,” or you don’t handle a situation well, that God is greater than all of it and He will redeem it.