Tag Archives: pain

Throwback Sundays…Another Kind of Resurrection

But my pastor also pointed out something else that hit hard: Jesus let Lazarus die before he raised him. He could have healed from his sickness before he died. But He didn’t. You see, while God is the ultimate healer He is also in the business of restoration. And oftentimes that means death before new life. Resurrection simply cannot occur without death. It’s impossible. (full post here)

Even though the whole idea of death before life is still hard to swallow at times it also still gives me comfort. Comfort in the death knowing that new life is on the other side.
Comment Throwback Sundays

In the Middle of the Storm


The weather in Nashville this week has been Spring perfect – 80 degrees & sunshine until mid to late afternoon at which time thunderstorms roll in. Around 8pm the rain clears out & the perfectly cool Spring evenings take it’s place. The weather I’d have in heaven if it was up to me. :)

This week has also been challenging. I’ve been restless. Unfocused. Frustrated that I can’t grip life neatly in my two hands. But there’s been a reminder in the middle of every single one of those thunderstorms – there is beauty not just on the other side of but in the middle of the storm…of the restlessness, the frustration, the questions…if I will only seek it out.

Yes, beauty in, not just on the other side of. It’s easy to believe in beauty on the other side because it comes to us. It drops itself into our hands & becomes tangible. But beauty in the middle of the storm…in the hard places…it must be searched for, hunted down, & taken hold of. It requires choosing to believe, to rely on faith, & to call on hope with courage.

But, if I’m going to believe in a God who makes beautiful things out of the dust I have to believe in a God who makes beautiful things out of the falling building as it is in the process of crumbling to pieces. A God who promises not freedom from the storm but peace in the middle of it. Who offers hope in the middle of the hurt not just in the healing. Who makes the sun shine even as the rain comes pouring down. A God who says I know the journey is painful right now but I’m not going to let you walk it alone.

What beauty do you see the middle of your storm right now? Have you found it?

 

 

1 Comment Deep Thinking, Just Life

When January 16th Causes You To Reflect

It was January 16, 2006. It was a Monday – like today…January 16, 2012. It was the first day of classes for the 2nd semester of my Junior year of college. But I wasn’t in class. I was on a Midwest flight from Milwaukee home to Minneapolis for my grandfather’s funeral. 

As I walked through the airport that day I wasn’t sure I was going to make it all the way. I can remember praying in my head, “Lord, just don’t let me fall. If I fall I won’t be able to get back up.” 

I landed in Minneapolis late that afternoon & can vividly remember my dad saying “I guess there really is something wrong” as he had to help me climb up into his large pick up truck.

The previous week I had gone back & forth on phone calls with my doctors explaining to them that I had suddenly grown very weak. I could barely walk on a flat surface. Hills were extremely difficult. Stairs were nearly impossible. Even standing up from a chair was quite the tricky process. I convinced them I wasn’t paralyzed & they talked of CT scans, mammograms, & muscle biopsies to be sure there was nothing cancerous going on & to take a look at my muscle tissue.

Six years later I’m on a flight from my home in Nashville to Minneapolis. This time for a visit to my doctor at the Mayo Clinic. A visit where I have no doubt I’ll get a good report. Because while I still have some symptoms & still live with pain on a daily basis, six years later I’ve been to China & back. I’ve climbed the Great Wall. I have been able to go camping again. I walk on a regular basis, up & down hills…I even throw in a little jogging here & there. I climb two flights of stairs without any hesitation to get to my room these days. I don’t think twice about going out with friends.  All that to say, God has worked some incredible healing. 

And perhaps the best part is the heart healing He worked through the physical brokenness before He worked physical healing. God has no doubt used the journey of the last 6 years to shape me & mold me into the person I am today.

I watched a TED talk the other day about the difference between our experiencing-selfs & our remembering-selfs. An experience may be incredibly painful for our experiencing-self but because of a happy ending or worthwhile lesson our remembering-selfs don’t see it that way. And while my experiencing self in no way wishes to go back & relive the journey of the last 6 years, my remembering self reflects on them almost fondly & with deep gratitude. Because 6 years later I see that not only is there physical healing but the journey to physical healing was directly related to the journey to heart healing. 

Father, thank you for loving me enough to break me so that You could make me whole.

What brokenness has God used in your life to make you whole? 

Comment Deep Thinking, Just Life

Shaped by Pain

Pain. Physical, aching, nagging pain. The kind that radiates from deep in your bones to every square inch of your body.

Today, I know that pain well. Too well. I’ve been summoned to a wrestling match. The question isn’t whether or not to enter the ring, it’s will I fight or wave the white flag of surrender? 

I woke up this morning feeling great. Relatively low pain. Lots of energy. It was looking good for a productive Saturday. But, as the day grew longer so did the pain. And the stiffness. And the swelling. I wince in pain as I make a late lunch & take a deep breath. Right now, my knuckles are two sizes too big & the movement to type this post is straining my fingers.

I force one hand into a closed fist with the other & I see my knuckles, mis-shaped & gnarled by the pain, protruding like jagged mountain peaks from my skin. And I choose to fight. I choose to remember that this pain is shaping me in other ways too. It’s shaping my heart, slowly chipping away at my pride, providing opportunity to choose vulnerability. It’s stripping away a little more of me to make room for a little more of Him. And that, I want. So for this moment, I’ll choose to fight.

What fight is shaping you today? 

5 Comments Deep Thinking, Just Life

Art & Pain

What is the relationship between art & pain?

Gary Molander posed that question a few months back on his blog & it’s been bouncing around in my head ever since.

I believe that pain may be one of the greatest catalysts for art we will ever know. When we feel pain we are alive. And pain most often leads to brokenness. There, our hearts are exposed. And we create from a place of vulnerability & truth. A place of honesty where we get out of own way. Where our masks have been shed & we have less to protect.

We create in those moments because we can’t not create. Because we know of no other response than to paint or write or dance or sing. And the result is art that embodies brokenness & grace. Suffering & joy. Redemption & restoration. Art that cries out desperately for the Kingdom that is to come but that lives in the hope of the Kingdom that is here.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that many of history’s great artists also suffered much. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that artists are stereotypically “emotional” or “moody.” I think God has wired artists to feel more intensely than most & He’s given us that as a gift to propel us to create. To create art that reflects His constant work of creating beauty out of our ashes…wholeness from shattered pieces…life from pain.

Do you think there is a relationship between art & pain?

4 Comments Creativity, Deep Thinking

To Hurt is to Be Alive

Pain. A word that has as many connotations as there are people. And a word that I think often gets a bad rap.

Physical pain has been a very real, very constant presence in my life over the last five and a half years. But I’ve learned to live with it. I know what I can do to ease the pain until it passes knowing that tomorrow will be better. And I can press on without it consuming me.

But physical pain is nothing compared to emotional pain. I’m learning lately that the more layers you peel back of yourself, the more masks you shed, the more vulnerable you are, the more you risk in relationships & interactions with others, the more pain you are inviting in. It’s only natural. Not until your heart is exposed & open can it be hurt.

But I would also argue that not until your heart is exposed & open can it really truly feel. And if it can’t truly feel it can’t truly be alive. To be alive is to feel. To hurt is to be alive.

I’m learning that out of pain often comes deep joy. A joy that is chosen based on facts not fleeting feelings. A joy that is founded on the Unchanging. A joy that is unexplainable…that leads to an equally unexplainable peace.

I’m beginning to think I’m willing to endure the pain if it means being alive. If it means having an unspeakable unending joy. Because I want a heart that is open. A heart that can feel. A heart that’s alive. One that breaks for the broken. Hurts for the hurting. Rejoices with the celebrating. And one that can love, deeply & well.

These two thoughts have been rolling around in my head as I’ve been pondering this whole idea of pain:

God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It’s his megaphone to rouse a deaf world. – C.S. Lewis

You must submit to supreme suffering in order to discover the completion of joy – John Calvin

 

What’s your take on pain? Is it a welcomed presence in your life?

 

1 Comment Deep Thinking, Just Life