Browsing Category: Relationships

Three Things I Love About My Friends

My friends are more unique than I can wrap my mind around most days. They’ve grown up all over the country…some in different parts of the world. Some, I’m almost certain, are long lost twins of mine & others I threaten to never speak to again because they don’t like mint chocolate M&Ms :) We have bonded over everything from Mexican food to a night on the town to music to a fiercely competitive game of Phase 10. They collectively have more quirks than I can count.  

But I’ve come to see that despite the differences, there are three things all of my closest friends have in common that I love about them:

  1. They live like they believe relationships matter
  2. They embrace the unconventional 
  3. They crave growth

At the end of the day, those three things are at the core of who I am. I believe that making time for friends is what gives life depth & richness. That unconventional may be risky & non-sensical but it’s also often a door to a fuller life. And I am passionate about growth because seeing God’s redeeming restoring work in action is one of the most beautiful things.

I’m beginning to think that those heart connecting similarities are the ones that really matter. They are the things that allow us to fight through the not so likable sides of one another & come out friends on the other side. To see the beauty in working through the ugly. To embrace the awkward moments & seasons as catalysts for growth. To feel like no time has passed when we only get to catch up every 6 months. And to experience a fuller richer life because of it.

What do you love about your friends? 

Comment Just Life, Relationships

Awkwardness: A Catalyst for Growth

For most of my life I have tried to avoid awkwardness with all my might to avoid. And to be honest, I still don’t necessarily “like” it per se. I often wish there was another way. But, I’m discovering that sometimes the best catalyst for growth in relationships, in myself, & in creativity is awkward moments…sometimes even whole seasons of them.

The friendships in my life that are the richest, have the deepest connections are oftentimes the ones that have had the greatest number of awkward conversations & awkward seasons. They’re rich because they are deeply honest. And they’re deeply honest because we’ve fought through awkward seasons & attacked the elephants in the room through conversation.

There’s something about fighting through awkwardness that leaves me just a bit more confident, slightly more sure of who I was created to be. It’s as if I’ve passed a test & now I can certify myself in some new skill chipping away just a bit more at self doubt that likes to creep its way in.

Awkwardness is often the result of tension & discomfort – both of which, I believe, are core components of some of our greatest creative labor. It causes us to wrestle, to question, to redefine, to live the work our art requires before we can produce something to share with the world. 

Chances are, I may never “like” awkwardness, but I’m trying to welcome it nonetheless. She may be a less than polite house guest – oftentimes arriving unannounced she seems to have an agenda of her own, but she earns her keep by doing her part in instigating growth. 

Where have you seen awkwardness as a catalyst for growth in your life? 

Comment Creativity, Deep Thinking, Just Life, Leadership, Relationships

They Chose to Rewrite the Ending


“I’ll sing the song if you can play it on the guitar,” he said.

A google search later on a nearby iPhone & chords were in the guitar player’s hand.

“Let’s do it,” she said.

He stumbled through the first few notes…off-key & out of rhythm. Forgetting the words as he went. It was an embarrassing train-wreck in the making. A potential ego boost for the rest of the room.

But they chose to rewrite the ending of this story.

First the guitarist joined in, then the redhead on the couch, another “I love to sing but I’m not a singer” guy, next the long-haired blonde with an accent…soon the entire group was singing. A classic that had high school flashbacks playing in all of our minds.

Instead of embarrassment the ending was one of community. When he began to stumble…to lose the melody…the group quickly stepped in to carry him along for a bit. It may sound silly, but I see Jesus in these moments clear as day. His love & his life feel tangible for just a moment. 

I can’t guarantee you that all of those people in the room knew who Love is, but they certainly seemed to know what it means to live love. And I have a group of strangers to thank for helping me see Love just a bit more clearly…if even only for a moment.

1 Comment Creativity, Relationships

Learning to Tango

Oftentimes life is more of a tango than a tightrope act. It’s more about learning to dance in an ever evolving rhythm than mastering the art of balance. I’ve been learning to dance the tango between strength & courage lately. It’s not always a pretty sight…I may trip over my own two feet quite often. But still, I’m learning.

Strength isn’t something I’ve often felt in need of. Growing up in a family that was keen on strength rather than expressing emotion, as well as my life journey helped me learn to be strong to survive…or at least that’s what I’ve always thought I needed to be. We also live in a world that says strong is better…strong as in always smiling, not admitting weakness…surely not admitting brokenness…and protecting yourself rather than being vulnerable.

But here’s the thing…strength is of the mind, while courage is of the heart. And sometimes I need my heart to temper my mind…to keep me soft…help me be compassionate…allow me to love others.

I’m beginning to believe that there is such as thing as too strong. And courage bridles strength.

When I’m too strong I become cold. I like to put up walls…tall, thick, castle-worthy walls. I used to think that by doing so I was keeping other people out, but I’ve realized I’m really only keeping myself in.

When I’m too strong, I’m not fully living. But courage…courage gives me life. 

It allows me to feel. Yes, to feel the pain along with the joy. But I’d rather feel both than neither. Courage gives me the ability to offer grace. To be compassionate. And to risk loving others deeply even if it may mean hurt & disappointment.

With courage I am alive to life. I see beauty all around me in every moment of every day. With courage I am able to say, “God is good…all.the.time.” Yes, life may hurt & I may be broken, but He is still good.

Courage is strength that is able to admit weakness…that can embrace brokenness because it knows that weakness is not the same as defeat. It knows that there is uncanny beauty in surrender. That though it may never make sense to our human minds, even surrender takes strength.

These days, I am learning to love…to let my heart love as Christ loves. To truly love others no matter they may or may not give back. To love in spite of the risk of hurt…of disappointment. And through doing so, I’m learning courage. Because the act of loving softens our hearts and teaches us courage, but the act of loving also requires courage…requires our hearts.

It’s an intense tango between strength & courage. But it’s a dance worth learning, because together they make a fiercely beautiful pair. 

Comment Deep Thinking, Just Life, Relationships

The Essence of Mentoring

 

“Have you ever really had a teacher? One who saw you as a raw but precious thing, a jewel that, with wisdom, could be polished to a proud shine? If you are lucky enough to find your way to such teachers, you will always find your way back. Sometimes it is only in your head.”
– Mitch Albiom “Tuesdays with Morrie”

I think that is the essence of mentoring. Believing in someone as they learn to believe in themselves. Drenching them in Christian love even though they are rough around the edges, sometimes as destructive as a bull in a China shop. And through it all leaving an impact that, as cheesy as it may sound, truly does last a lifetime.

I’ve been blessed to have a few such teachers…or mentors…in my life. The kind I find my way back to in my head…and sometimes on a phone call. And every time I do I’m reminded that with the gift of being mentored…being taught, comes the responsibility to mentor…to teach.

Who are you teaching today?


 

Comment Just Life, Leadership, Relationships

Honesty

Honesty. It seems the older I get the more I learn the value of that word. And I’m not talking honesty simply in the sense of not telling a lie but honesty to the point of being vulnerable. It’s one thing to not tell a lie, it’s another to tell the truth…the whole truth…more than just a few kernels of truth…even when we don’t have to. And telling the whole truth oftentimes makes us vulnerable and is usually risky. It’s risky to put yourself out there and speak openly & truthfully about life, about experiences, about lessons learned along the way.

But it’s a risk that I’m finding is worth it. Because the beauty, healing, & friendship that comes from it far outweighs the hurt that may sometimes come. I think we must be broken individually, but most often we are healed in community. Think about it, you can injure yourself, but more often than not you can’t heal yourself. You need a doctor or team of doctors to help you do that. Just the same, when we’re broken we need friends to help us pick up the pieces. Or more accurately God blesses us by using friends to work His healing in our lives…His putting us back together.

I still find myself fighting honesty. Often. And honesty doesn’t always win the fight. But when it does I’m always grateful for the beauty of deepened relationships that comes from it. I’ve had several conversations in the last month where I spoke honestly from my heart & I haven’t regretted it. In fact, quite the opposite.

Do you find it hard to be truly honest?

 

2 Comments Deep Thinking, Just Life, Relationships