I watched this TED talk once about memory. I’ll be honest, I have absolutely no desire to repeat the last 9 years. But, I would not trade the person it has helped me become. So if that’s what it had to take, I’d do it again. Not happily, but I’d do it. I wouldn’t give up the freedom I’ve discovered through the journey.
There is great freedom in being able to move again, in not having to think twice about going to the grocery story or the mall or the movies or even the gym. When I first felt well enough to move again while living in Appleton, I started with a personal trainer at the YMCA. She tried to get me on an elliptical and three minutes in, my legs gave out. Today, I can do intervals on the elliptical for 45 minutes and still walk out the door of the gym. There is immense freedom in that.
A friend graciously offered to take some head-shots for me recently, and I realized something profound in the process. I was completely comfortable. I was completely comfortable in front of a camera because I’m more comfortable in my own skin than even I realize. I think that countless doctor’s visits and medical tests will help with that, but I know it’s more than that. It’s that when I realized I had control over my body and I claimed it, I became proud of the whole person I am and all of my “perfect imperfections” as John Legend calls them. There is massive freedom in that – in being able to accept and love and welcome your whole self.
TO BE CONTINUED
This journey isn’t over. I will forever have to work at feeling good. It means I drink things that are green and take lots of vitamins and make it a priority to go to the gym and get good sleep and and no longer love Italian food and these days even carry coconut milk in a thermos in my purse when I go out for coffee.
Yesterday I spent 5 hours with a friend prepping healthy, healing food for our bodies. Five hours. Yes, taking care of myself takes a lot of time. There are days it feels like a part-time job and that’s frustrating. But, the fact that I could be on my feet for 5 hours cooking and not be thoroughly exhausted today reminds me of the massive progress that healthy food has helped my body make.
And all of that is worth it to not live in excruciating pain every day of my life. These days, there are more moments than not when I don’t even think about the painbecause it’s so slight.
I know not everyone’s story ends in healing. And I don’t take it for granted that mine has. But I also know that while we have an amazing Healing Father, he has also It’s my choice. My responsibility. My opportunity to partner with him in the healing process.