I’ve lost count of how many articles I’ve scanned, blogs posts I’ve read, & conversations I’ve had centered on the topic of prolonged adolescence. 20 & 30 somethings don’t often get a good rap. Society thinks they’re stuck in college or even high school. Refusing to grow up. Wandering without direction. Relying on their parents for far too long. The list goes on. And we seem to be the hardest on men.
I’m not denying that there’s some truth in that. But I don’t think it’s limited to men or 20 & 30 somethings. And I think at some point we all have to take a bit of the responsibility for the problem.
I look at men & yes, I see a generation…multiple generations…that are falling short as leaders. Men who seem to have momentarily misplaced their true identities. 30 somethings without careers. Families falling apart, sacrificed on the altar of ministry. Responsibility put on hold to chase seemingly crazy & selfish dreams.
I get all of that. And I’m not trying to say that it’s okay.
But there is another part of me that is full of nothing but compassion for my brothers. A part of me that looks & says at a certain point I can’t blame the 20 & 30 somethings entirely because it’s a generational issue. As a result they often lack mentors to help guide them. They don’t have people who can say “I’ve been there. I get the struggle. And I’ll love you in the struggle but care too much to let you stay there.”
I think buried underneath it all is oftentimes an identity issue. It’s something that we all struggle with at the core of our human nature. A battle that seems to only be made tougher by the pressures of our society and the pervading notion that what you do, not who you are, gives you worth.
I see multiple generations of men who are struggling to discover & live their true identities. And honestly it makes me sad. My heart breaks for them because as their sister I want them to experience the joy in living in the freedom of Christ as the person He has designed them to be.
So to my brothers, as your sister in Christ I care about you. About your faith. About your dreams. About your (future) wives & families. My prayer for you is a community that offers a little more tough love & a little less judgement & criticism.
And as I said, ladies, I don’t think it’s limited to men.
What do you think? Am I letting men off the hook to easily?
That will preach…and needs to be preached.
Thank you
This is great. I could not agree with you more. And its not just men, it's us too.
You're so right that it's important others see what you've written here.
I'm 40 and I've suffered from the things you've mentioned here. I had no mentors growing up. I didn't get saved until I was 24 but since then I've had no mentors at all. It's not for a lack of trying to find them…it's just that they aren't out there to be found. If you're a guy who finds a true mentor, you're one lucky son of a gun.
And it's frustrating because I've had to figure everything out on my own. I've had to make my own chances, open my own doors and refine myself because there was no one ahead of me on the road who wanted to help me as I tried to climb from the muck of life and stand on solid ground.
It leaves you bitter, discouraged and disillusioned. And there are millions of other guys just like me. We want to step into what we see the Scriptures telling us could be but know we need community to get there and none of it can be found. Then we get yelled at by preachers who got the breaks and mentors because we didn't step up and do it all ourselves.
And then we're expected to be mentors for others. You can't be what you don't know.