The list of answers to this question could quickly get quite lengthy. But, I’m going to pick just one for now. An answer that, quite honestly, I never thought I’d blog about. That part of me is still not wanting to hit “publish” on.
I need to apologize to anyone who has ever wanted to be married. Yes, I know that may sound strange but hear me out.
Growing up all I wanted was to be a mom. Most of my days were spent playing house or school. Imaginary children were the center of my existence as a child myself. Then at some point I learned that if I wanted to have children I should get married first.
High school came and I was convinced that I could do more for Jesus by myself than being married to any boy. So while I loved children I kind of gave up the idea of having my own. That lasted through high school. Continued in college. And even into adulthood.
Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t opposed to having children, I was opposed to marriage. (yes, I realize that doesn’t sound much better :) ) I championed the idea that I could be more “effective” for the Kingdom by myself with what I now realize was a whole lot of pride. And, if I’m honest, for years part of me looked down on those people who wanted nothing more than to get married, have a family, and “settle down.”
But now, for the first time that I can remember, I am open to the whole idea of marriage and a family. I may even go so far as to say that, honestly, I kinda would like to be married someday.
I’m learning that sometimes, as much as the independent individual in me wants to deny it, two really can be better than one. That perhaps I could do just as much…if not more…for Jesus alongside someone else rather than by myself. I can’t really explain the change at this point…but perhaps it’s just part of growing up.
To those of you who’ve always known what my stubborn self is just learning, I’m sorry for looking down on you…for judging your desires!